Forging Meaning From a Broken Engagement and Other Fun Topics...But Mainly That One

"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you." -David Foster Wallace I've spent a lot of time the past 6 months avoiding feeling the pain and processing the events and circumstances in my first long-term relationship; primarily, looking inwards at myself instead of casting blame outwards. I just watched the movie "Ruby Sparks," which was more relatable than I care to admit. Okay, I'll admit it, it was like looking in a mirror at certain points. The main character is an adept writer (please don't think I'm saying this about myself, my ego is not that big. I'm just explaining plot, here.) who wrote a beloved novel for all generations. He is clearly anguishing over the pressure of his success, a failed relationship, and issues with his family. Unable to start on a book, he eventually is struck by these dreams of this beautiful, sympathetic girl named Ruby. To condense the synopsis, he ends up bringing her to life, only to find...

I had a dream last night where N and I somehow ended up on this island that I found out was Papua New Guinea after asking someone in the dream. I also asked if it was acceptable to just call it New Guinea and the woman said "yes." I just looked at pictures of New Guinea (dream woman said this was right, so I'm sticking with it) and my dreamscape is startlingly accurate. Keep in mind that I've never seen pictures of New Guinea ever in my life. The entire landscape was tropical in nature with a limited number of indigenous people showing up in my dream to give it an ere of authenticity. Right before we ended up in New Guinea, we were driving down a dirt road descending from a barren mountain. It was that real fine, light brown dirt you find in deserts. N was driving the car and we were both distracted from the road. Suddenly, I look up and see a motorcycle coming towards us. I warn her that a motorcycle is coming towards us in an insistent, calm manner devoid of all a...

Blogging has always been a source of therapy for me. I remember my first blog was a Xanga back when I was a mere Sophomore in High School. I wrote extensive blog posts exploring topics dealing with my brother and how he was negatively affecting our family, stereotypical jock kids at school who I hated, girls I was too shy to tell I liked, how certain movies made me feel, and also posted poetry I wrote. I still have a copy of that Xanga backed up on my computer somewhere that I like to revisit when feeling nostalgic. I would go on to write other blogs--some linked to this Google account and available for viewing--and each one served a different purpose. I'm too broke to go to real therapy, but who needs it when you have a predilection for introspection and the same best friend since 2009 who you can literally tell anything to without judgment? I count myself as a lucky individual; however, this does not disqualify me from sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, or heart break. I...